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Nov. 23rd, 2009 @ 05:58 pm Who am I....?
I wish I knew what to do,
I wish I knew where to go,
I wish I knew who I was,
To be content
To live in the moment
To live
To laugh
To love
I do, but then I think souldn't there be more
Fuck the movie fantasy that has crupted my thoughts
Fuck the insecurites
I am exactly where I should be in this moment
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Dec. 5th, 2007 @ 11:41 am HOLY HELL IT'S BEEN AWHILE
Current Location: At Work
Current Mood: anxious
So...new changes in my life since I last posted.... umm I moved to LA. was in my first relationship, had sex, worked on Entertainment Tonight, Hell's Kitchen, Nip/Tuck, & Pretty Handsome, made new friends, lost new friends, started therapy, lived in a dining room, a closet, stayed with a stranger, gotten an apt, kinda joined a gym, took salsa lessons, shot a music video, and a webisode. Thats all i can think of at the moment.

Life here seems...pretty good it just still doesn't feel like my life. I feel like I'm still waiting on things to start to get good. What the hells my deal. I also feel like its a strange exended vaction and I'm waiting to go back to Woodstock. I miss my friends and family so bad. YES CINDY AND LAURIE I DO MISS YOU EVENTHOUGH WE HARDLY TALK. Sometimes its easier to not talk and not have to realize the separation...but you know I'M A LITTLE FUCKED IN THE HEAD.

So I'm gonna start posting on here atleast twice a week as a way to vent and keep in touch.
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Mar. 19th, 2006 @ 12:58 am (no subject)
<td align="center">Lisa's sexual nickname:

"Twin Peaks"

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com</td>


This makes me want to cry...I have no peaks.....
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Feb. 13th, 2006 @ 12:13 pm Me so sad....
I've been really sick for a few weeks now...and I've been super busy which hasn't helped at all. I've been at my internship all weekend...Fri 9-7 Sat 8-6:45 Sun 9-6:45 Mon 9- whenever I leave.... I was also house sitting this wekend...lots of animals....they didn't help my cold....

The topper to be weekend....last night at Ashley' s Birthday party...I get there and sit down infront of Janine...and look down the table and see Gustavo at the other end....I didn't acknowledge him and vise verse...there were about 6 people btw. us....anyways...the food comes...and the waiter starts bring my meal to him...and I was like of I order that...we ordered the same thing which I thought was cute...but whatever...People atart to leave and I make my way towards him. We started talking about all kinds of stuff and about an hour later we all decide to leave. At this point it's Ashley and her boyfriend, and her roomate and Gustavo and I. They are all parked on one side of the parking lot and he and I are apparnently parked on the other. So we walk towards are cars and talk for about 10 or 15 min. then he says wheres your car....I point and he says well I'll walk you to your car. So he does and when we get there we talk for a min. then he says...so I got a text message from you last monday....and asks if that is really how I feel ( it said I like you! Do you like me? Check yes or no...) He said he wanted to wait until he saw me to talk about it. He says I'm a great girl....goes on and on then says...he's not ready to be in a relationship...and he DOESN"T WANT TO BE THAT GUY FOR ME....not sure what that ment...he said he loves talking to me and hanging out and doesn't want this to effect our friend ship...then he tells me how I should go about meeting a guy....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I really really like him....and I couldn't stop crying last night and now I'm crying again because I'm a dumb girl. Anyway he gives me a hug and then tells me that he's been really upset because his first gf who he still loves told him this week that she's getting married. So he's upset...I'm upset...mother fucker....

I can't concentrate and I have to give a 5 to 10 min monologue in class tomorrow and I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY LINES YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jan. 26th, 2006 @ 12:59 pm Damn.....It's been awhile
I don't even know where to begin....so much is going on....I GRADUATE MAY 13th...AHHHHHHHH

After that not a fucking clue....I didn't apply to Grad School, which I think was a wise decision. I really need some real world experience. Being in college I sometimes forget that there is life beyond shooting and writing papers. Everyone's so open and liberal..and well off campus...HAHA...thats all I've got to say. Someone over heard a conversation I was having with a friend on Marta the other day...and about 5 people looked at me and said that I was very unlady like a rude. I was telling a dirty joke...but I wasn't being loud..at all..I was actually being very cautious about what I was saying....oh well
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Nov. 19th, 2005 @ 01:29 am (no subject)
From in the shadow she calls
And in the shadow she finds a way, finds a way
And in the shadow she crawls, clutching her faded photograph
My image under her thumb
Yes with a message, yes with a message for my heart

She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
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Nov. 19th, 2005 @ 12:58 am Howdy....
Current Mood: What the hell should I do?
It's been a while....So I decided not to apply to Graduate School for next Spring...I really have no idea what I really want to do with my life and I feel like I should spend some time in the real world before I decided to put myself in debt. In may I'm done i cannot believe it..schools gone by so fast and there are so many things I have yet to do and experience I'm not sure I'm ready to face the world. My internship is drawing to a close which is kinda depressing. I've become really close to everyone in the office. I went to Emily's wedding last week...she one of the producers. I had a fucking blast. I was getting down with everyone from work and I was able to be myself which was really cool. After the wedding Emily told me that they want to hire me on, but I don't think I'm going to take the position. I interviewed at Artisan Picture works Thursday, and they really want to take me on for the Spring semester....I want to rack up as many internships as I can. They produce and edit lots of commercials, but they have two large in house studios with make up rooms and everything which got me really excited.

What else.....the diet's kinda going back and forth...I've lost 50 pounds, but I want to lose alot more I'm just uninspired right now. I'm trying to get back on it, but everytime I turn around there's temptation.

I need to get away really bad....I'm thinking about going to L.A. for afew days during Christmas...my friend Geoff's out there so I'd have a place to stay and I could fly airtrain for 120 there and back....I may just do it!!!!

Guys...I'm working on getting over my crush....I may possibly see him tomorrow which would be awesome...we've been talking on the phone and he seems interested, but he never initiates the calls...I can't figure him out. When we talk it's always for like an hour.

NOTE TO SELF>>> If I see him tomorrow I HAVE to flirt with him or atleast let him see that I AM INTERESTED...it's written so now I have to make myself do it....
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Nov. 13th, 2005 @ 11:32 am (no subject)
At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will bePorn star
You will be worth$931,061
Everyone will think youstill live at home
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 11:33 am Best Halloween Party Ever!!!!!
Current Mood: Lesbian Tounge


Drunk Ass



Getting Down....the Gladiator gave me his number...should I call him????


I went to the 99X Brouhaha...I had a blast! I went with Laurie and Andrew who both looked so HOT!!!! The vibe at the club was great everyone was super friendly and didn't care what anyone thought of them. I danced with lots of hot guys..I even got down with Jesus. I made out with a random guy...an danother guy gav eme his phone number. I want to call him, but I'm afraid he may just have been drunk...but I don't think he was...anyways....he was totally flirting with me and he held my hand while we danced....it was hot!!!! He's the guy in the Gladiator cosutume beside me....
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Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 01:12 pm Part of an interview I logged at work....we don't use puncuation...be warned
1:15:13 “Parents need to understand that as (clears throat) uncomfortable as they are and I don’t think I’ve ever met a parent who was not uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex because they think I’m going to say the wrong thing or I’m very uncomfortable or my, my teenagers gonna think that something peculiar about me am I, I uncomfortable with my sexuality or whatever but what parents need to realize is 1st of all they don’t need to get into the nitty gritty with there kids parents don’t even need to tell kids the ins and out’s of birth control or condoms or anything all parents need to say is you know what if I were your age if I were 14 and I lived in this time when I’m...say it’s a boy, where I’m barraged with physical images of half naked women everywhere when that would be tough for me is that hard for you? Show the child that you understand a little bit let him know that something peers, culture, whatever is trying to take him in a direction that is very harmful to him psychologically and physically and you’re job as a parent is to help him walk in a different direction and you will do anything you can to walk with him away from all that stuff you’re there you’re there and you stick with your kid you stick with them every night I had a patient who’s, who’s said her father really talked to her about sex because he was kind of uncomfortable but every night before she went to bed he, he would sit on her bed and say I’m gonna say a little prayer for you and he’d say a little prayer and then he’d say you know what honey wait for your wedding night, that’s all , that’s all he said and that one sentence repeated that daughter knew that her body and her mind and her self was worth fighting for and her dad loved her and he was praying for her and I didn’t know what her faith was but it didn’t matter but the daughter knew that, that her dad saw that she was up against trouble and he was there to help. The key to keeping kids out of sexual activity called parent connectedness it’s 1 parent or 2 parents or a foster parent or a grandparent who is willing to look at the kid and say I get that you’re having a hard time I’m here to help you. What can I do? You don’t need to do this sex is to dangerous and if I were you I would be tempted to be sexually active so I’m gonna help you here, I’m gonna help you here and then together with the kid say what are the things that we can do and are you I ask kids are you interested in holding off on sex and I will tell you 29 out of 30 girls I’ll say yeah sure but how. See nobodies ever really taught kids the tools to say no and it’s not just a matter of saying no it’s about showing kids how not to be sexually active. Do they respond absolutely I mean I’ve seen it for the past 10 yrs. this is what I do for my life I teach kids how not to be sexually active. I ask kids if you’re interested in if you’re being sexually active in stopping and sometimes kids who have been sexually active for a few yrs. will say I don’t really know because they don’t believe they can stop and then if I talk to them about the dangers and sometimes they’ll say well I know I can get diseases I know I can get pregnant, but what really gets to kids is when you say that being sexually active with 1 or 2 or 3 partners and mess with there heads and can cause them to feel depressed they get it and I’ll say are you interested in getting over your depression of yeah. Well then if you want me to help you get over your depression ten you’ve got to stop being sexually active just for a couple weeks will you do that oh sure ten they start to realize that their starting to feel better and so that there willing to say sure I wanna be abstinent for awhile and once I talk to them for awhile and convince them that psychologically abstinence is best. We walk through some very specific plans we say ok think about it now have you ever been on a diet...ok well this is like going on a diet everywhere you go you’re gonna be tempted to ..to take what you know you shouldn’t be taking so how are you going to deal with it and I tell them you know if you were on a diet would you go home and bake brownies and stare at it…well no of course not well then don’t go into situations where you’re gonna be overwhelmed and want to be sexually active. In other words if you have a serious boyfriend don’t spend a lot of time alone with him on the beach at midnight…ok...ok and you know if you don’t want guys to come after you and be an invitation for sexual activity then don’t wear jeans that are.. you know with a zipper that’s an inch and a half long.. well yeah ok, ok so we walk through very, very specific things and parents can do that without actually talking about the sexual act it’s self which everybody’s afraid of. So you don’t have to be a sex expert at all. All parents need to do is communicate to their kids that you know what you can do this sex is to wonderful to waste on when you’re 16. Don’t go there because it does to many harmful things to you and it’s interesting I lecture all over the place and I lecture a lot on depression in teenagers and whenever I do and I always ask this the question the kids uhh if they have any questions at the end and inevitably a lot of the kids will start to raise there hands about well what cause depression and why would I feel this way because suicide is a huge deal now in American culture and it’s always the older teenage boys who raise there hand and ask questions about depression and the reason I think that is… is that they have had numerous partners and they know something hurts on the inside that’s all they know and they know they want to take a different path.”

1:22:15 “ Cognitively even a 17 or 8 ..18 year old is not fully cognitively developed in other words they can’t fully understand consequences of action a today is gonna lead to a consequence b in a year from now. Parents can understand it, but teenagers can’t. What really gets to the kids is talking about the emotional effect of sexual activity. 1 in 3 American teenagers has considered committing suicide 1 in 3 (Stumbles) that’s unbelievable that there are that many kids out there that are struggling with some form of depression. Where does depression come from in teenagers? Basically depression comes from ungreived losses so if you or I experience some sort of hurt in our lives somebody dies we go through a divorce umm ever to a teenager the family pet dies or he flunks physics ….it doesn’t matter what the loss is but if we don’t face that lose and allow ourselves to feel sad about it over time that loss will gets stuck in the human heart and one loss on top of another loss on top of another loss that was never cried over or dealt within a healthy fashion ultimately leads to depression. So when I have a teenager who is depressed I try to probe and sat what has happened in your life that has been hurtful to you that perhaps you haven’t dealt with and you think about a young girl 15 yrs .old and think about if she has sex with even one guy and it doesn’t even matter how old he is if she has sex with him what does she loose after the sexual act is over well in her mind a lot of parents may not agree with this but this is from a kids thinking in her mind she lost her virginity which even though we adults may think well that’s not a big deal to adults anymore it’s a very big deal that’s why oral sex is popular because kids can stay virgins so loosing your virginity is still a big thing she looses trust in her partner because usually a 15 yr old girl who has sex with a guy isn’t gonna marry the guy he’s gone and she looses a sense of control over her body she gave him something and for a moment she wasn’t in control he was in control leaning to take control is extremely important during the teen years to healthy psychological development. She looses a sense of honesty with her parents cause probably she doesn’t want to go home and talk to her parents about it so now she’s got a secret and we can go on and on about the losses that she will feel when she walks away from sexual activity with even one partner. Now she goes home and she watches a television show and she see’s Jennifer Aniston on tv who’s sexually active and very cool and sex wit ha guy is supposed to be fun and no big deal but she doesn’t feel that way because that’s not what the experience was to her and the she says well Jennifer Aniston very happy and the model on vogue is very happy and clearly she’s very sexually active and everybody at Abercrombie and Fitch who buys these jeans that are sexy seem happy because that’s the good life but I don’t feel like that so what’s wrong with me. You see and then she turns it in on herself and it goes on and on and on and now she’s lead up to being very vulnerable for a worsening depression, so it really is about ungrieved losses in the child’s heart and I will tell you 99% of the teenagers that I treat with depression have been sexually active and we know that depressed kids are more likely to be sexually active because being sexually active can act like a drug for a moment it can be mood altering they can think well this will make me feel better but the problem is it’s very much like alcohol you… you go into it you feel better for a moment and then you walk away and you feel worse than you did before you had sexual activity.”

1:27:40 “Some kids can get away with one partner without being necessarily depressed, but the problem is we know that once kids start being sexually active umm they stay sexually active unless somebody comes along and intervenes and says you better stop now while you’re ahead if you will. Umm and… and it’s just a matter of time then until they have multiple partners and some sort of depression does set in.”
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Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 11:18 pm (no subject)
Lots to do....I keep putting everything off.....I'm so afraid of the future...and my way of dealing with it...is doing ...NOTHING!!!! Ok...so Grad school....Applications are due Dec 15th for the Fall of 2006...at NYU, FSU, UCLA, New School, and GSU. Where do I wanna go...NYU....which is only one of the hardest schools to get into in the Nation...I know I shouldn't apply because when I don't get in I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown....thats all..aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......
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Oct. 17th, 2005 @ 11:39 pm I can't break free.....
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Counting Crows Color blind
Much to tell..but no time to type! I feel like I'm caught in a whirlwind and I can't escape....can somebody please pull me out!
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Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 11:30 pm (no subject)
I'm sick...I feel like shit...schools kickin my ass...thats all...
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Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 11:29 pm What the FUCK



You're Cambodia!

Life's been really rough, but it's slowly improving.  You know
way too much about the skeletal structure of humans, mostly from being forced to study
it.  This has given you a fear of many things, most especially the color red.
 The future has to be more promising though, and your greatest adversary can now
never come back to hurt you any more.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

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Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm Only got a hundred years to live.....
Yesterday was a great day....I realized how special one of my friends is to me now that he's moving away...isn't that the way life always works, you don't know what you've got till its gone. He's off to L.A...I'm so excited for him...but...I'm losing my only straight male friend...which can't be good, I'll just have to call him ALOT and VISIT.....On the bright side I have a place to stay in Sherman Oaks...hell yeah!!!! Airtran's only 69$ standby to LAX....even I can afford that.
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Sep. 29th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm Life.........oh shit son....
So as of this May..I will be a college graduate...you know what that means....time to face the real world....or in my case....APPLY TO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!

I have only one problem with Grad school....actually applying. I have so many dreams and so much ambition, yet I allow my fear of failure to constantly get the best of me. I started printing out applications today. I have always dreamed of going to New York University, so I printed out the application and then I completely freaked out. I have so much to do....I know I'm gonna let my fears get the best of me and I'll put everything off until the last min, so when I don't get in..I can't be hurt since I didn't really allow myself to try. Anyways...I'm looking at NYU, FSU, New School in Manhattan, UCLA, University of Southern California, and a few other. Every school I'm interested in however only excepts 25-50 students a year. What are my odds in actually getting in????? I've got no fucking clue. I wish I'd gone to a prestigious Undergrad school....but it's to late GSU Alumni here I come. I need to start studying for the GRE, I need to get 3 letters of recommendation, fix my resume, put a new portfolio together, and write a statement of purpose all before December 15th. I also need to find a job, continue working 25+ a week at my internship, get all A's in my 17 hours of classes, find a new internship for next semester, make a few short films for my portfolio...and .....have a life..and enjoy my senior year....AHHHH

Oh and for my internship I have two write 2 10+ page papers...while going to the site, and I have to produce, edit, and write my own story.
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Sep. 29th, 2005 @ 10:56 pm Could this be more true.....
Current Music: All I want is YOU...U2
Your Birthdate: April 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist.
You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force.
There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too.

You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental.
Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world.
You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.
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Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 03:19 pm My minds throwing up random thoughts
Current Mood: Fall is in the Air
I've finally done it, I'm officially a loser.....I joined Facebook and MySpace. I haven't built my profiles, but I'm working on it. This shit is addicting. I'm trying to find anyone I know to be on my friends list...and when I do...I don't add them because I'm dumb. I want them to find me ...weird I know.

Anyways...Schools going pretty well..I haven't started studying for any of my classes yet...which is gonna fuck me over next week. I have a paper and two tests..oh well. I still have NO INTERNET connection in my apt. something isn't configured right in Casey's computer, so if anyones got an idea..I'd love to hear it!!!!

I'm really disapointed in myself so far this semester..I have made no attempts at meeting new people. I normally talk to people in class around me, but I just can't bring myself to do it lately.

I love my Sexuality and Society Class! It's my goal to become a memeber of the active community this year....which I know isn't going to happen...Maybe it'll be my New Years Resolution...stop being a virgin.....I like that...but first I have to find a guy.....hmmm... I've got two crushes right now...both of them are friends of mine....and are incredibly smart and funny...and of course HOT, but I know neither of them are attracted to me....DAMN THE WORLD!!!!
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Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 03:16 pm I'm a loser...
1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )
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Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 12:39 am Hmmmmm....
Well It didn't go how I'd hoped, but atleast I'm trying. I planned something...we went...although it was awkard at times...I still had fun. I hope there's a next time!!!!
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